As years went by I always moved towards relationships differently from others, my take was if I am going to date someone I will end up marrying him and if not then it was a waste of time. I found out that most people considered dating like this, but I have come across people who have dated many with the thought that they wouldn’t marry the same person they were dating.
I had conversations with people who were guilty of such betrayal, I have found that the cause differ from more steady sex to just having a good time with them. After all this I am unable to figure it out, when I was 20 I loved being single and the outlook of puppy love had totally no impact on me.
I must admit I am a commitment- dread or may be I was. Now i am engaged but till my 20s I was not interested to remain in relationship, so I was clear. I was in fact education-career driven, instead of being in relationship I thought having a career was important.
Dating and relationship coach Deanna Cobden says this notion is common for men. Men on the other hand are career driven and goal oriented. Before they are ready to commit to a woman they want to have their career and finances at certain point or have attained certain goals in life.
Men have their own thought process when it comes to commitment. Because of gender norms men feel they must achieve something by certain age. Cobden says what scares men is the freedom, they value freedom and feel loss of power and freedom if they are committed. Serious relationship freaks out men.
Men are most often feel insecure when the female is earning more than him, in such case he needs to pull himself back and reevaluate his relationship. Men also feel he should be able to earn enough, love you enough to make you feel happy. The idea of alpha male is declining, what we were taught during our growing days is being changed and challenged.
The best thing a woman can do to nourish the relationship is to let him know through honest admiration that she is happy with him and he is fulfilling all her desires. According to Cobden if he still freaks out then giving him some space is a good option. If yours is a healthy relationship he will come back more stanch than ever.
Men having commitment phobia tend to withdraw, disappear and rebound.
Men who are commitment phobic guide them clearly, warning signs like chasing, withdrawing again rebounding. He does everything to get you but once he feels pressure from you he tends to withdraw. The cycle keeps repeating.
Cobden gives another warning sign, he tells you flatly like you are beautiful, I like spending time with you but I am not ready for the relationship. He does things like Friday nights, dinners, dates, movies etc but the relationship is not going anywhere.
He gives the disclaimer but we women feel that we are in a relationship. He treats like a girlfriend but he is not ready for commitment. She also says men mean what they say, believe them when they say that to you. So women men don’t abruptly leave growing relationships because they want to hurt you, they do it for a cause, they have assessed a relationship to the best of their capability and they find that relationship is not feasible for long term. Men cut things off early than taking too much time, dealing with nasty breakup is not what men want and it is a better option.
Men treat relationships on the shelf life, it is like buying something that is nearing its expiry date, and it is on sale and worth the short term life. But men say no plainly on this context.